Chapter 1

My anxiety.. My old enemy. I think I was born anxious or at least with the genetics to become an anxious person if the circumstances where right.. Or wrong so to say.

Parents divorced when I was young and we also moved. We had lived in a very large house in a well known suburb and well, ended up with my mom and brother in a different town, in a not so grand area and very small house.

House doesn’t mean much but when you 4 it does.

We moved and dad moved to same city. On day he was here and then on day my mom told me “he was gone”. Not dead.. Just gone.. Skipped town. And that was that.. The start of the circumstances..

He never said goodbye.. Never paid maintenance.. Never visited. He did call about 3 times in my entire school career but that was it.

So what remained is a little girl, her brother and a single salary. I realised there was no room for failure as there was no money to fund a second time.

I did well at school but was always the “well prepared one”.  Less anxiety if I could control my space.

I was sent to boarding school in the same city from grade 8 to grade 10. It would have been longer but couldn’t handle it when I got 30 min detention for a tissue in my bin! Enough was enough.

Home I went and the spiral slowly started. The first stitches started pulling at the seams..

Then came University..


Fun in the sun

Last Monday of my Dec holiday. Had an awesome day. Ran 12km,went to the beach with family, great lunch and now my house is my own. Kiddies to Ouma and dad riding bike.



So here it is.. A new year.. For me kinda same s#@t different year. Maybe I am just getting old? I am on leave till the 12 but seem to be plaqued by my anxiety issues. Seems worse in the new year? Like when you start school again after year end holidays.. That knot in yr tummy.. New teacher.. Friends.. More difficult grade..